Aboard the Black Pearl
by Fear Of Apathy
Summary: HPPotC Crossover. Set five years after the movie. Harry Potter is miserable in his life, and when a potion goes wrong, will he finally be happy? Will Turner is equally miserable, divorced and lonely. JackWill slash, other slash pairings in future.
1. Five Year Reunion for Jack and Will

Just a quick warning, this'll be light/mild slash ( of the JW variety), because I'm not gonna even try to write a sex scene. Maybe lame innuendos or implications, but no blatant scenes. If I do make this a HP crossover, it'll probably be with J and W as parental figures for young Harry, though I can't see that. Sorry.

Disclaimer: Don't even think of suing me of claiming this as mine! Because it's not! None of it is!  
This chapter was betaed by... the wonderful **Kittery**.

**_-Aboard the Black Pearl-  
-Chapter 1: Five Year Reunion for Will and Jack-_**

"My place is here, between you and Jack."

Five years had passed since he had said those words, and he had never regretted them. Maybe regretted the actions he himself had done after speaking those loyal words, but it was a true statement,but he could never convince himself completely that the words were spoken from loyalty as _friends _and not from something more that was just kind of nonexistently hanging out there.

"As is mine."

Ah, sweet Elizabeth. Now, that was one thing he did regret. Marrying her, disappointing her…and consequently,breaking her.

In short, the last five years had been hell for him. He and Elizabeth, or Mrs. Norrington, now, had gotten into at least one severe fight each week the year after they had married. If he was honest with himself, he was surprised that the marriage had lasted all those four years.

Now he was a closeted pirate – because he still had longing for the sea, _and Jack_, his inner voice would always whisper longingly – and the best blacksmith in the area. The shop was his and he could finally claim his credit. His 'master' whom he'd been apprenticed to had died not long after his first meeting with Jack. Thank god. The man was a pushover, and not worth the respect. A drunk to boot, and a lazy ass.

A small fortune sat untouched to collect interest over the years in the bank of Jamaica but it was nowhere close to that of Elizabeth and her family. _A family I was a part of,_ the little voice spoke venomously.

At the present, he's sitting in the shop, on the rafters where he and Jack had fought and flirted with injury. They had never been repaired. Whether it was for the memory, or from laziness he wasn't sure, though. In the last year, he'd come and sit up here very often to bask in the more pleasant memories.

"Hello, Will."

Will almost fell off the rafters, but was steadied by a rough hand on his forearm.

He would know that voice anywhere, and knew immediately that it was Jack Sparrow.

"Long time no see, Jack," he replied in kind, shifting slightly on the rafter because there was a splinter sticking in his ass. _I can think of other things I'd like in my ass_, the little voice chirped in, and he scowled.

Jack noticed the scowl, and questioned it.

"Nothing, just mutinous voices in my head," Will said sarcastically, and noted how Jack winced at the word 'mutinous'.

"How've ye been, Will?" Jack asked, changing the conversation quickly. He really didn't want to speak of bitter memories or pour salt on almost-healed wounds, so he decided to get to the point of the visit.

"The truth? Absolutely miserable."

"Ah, then perhaps I can remedy that…"

"What are you talking about, Jack?" Will asked curiously, if not a bit cautious and defensive.

Jack took a deep breath, and continued, "I want you to be my first mate on my ship."

* * *

Even though this is about the length of regular chapters for some authors, I can't write this short normally, so it's just a little teaser, I guess, to see if anyone wants me to keep this going. I probably won't update very often, so please bear with me. Not on hiatus unless it remains untouched for more than about three months, becasue I still have ... um... **counts**... four WIP (that does mean work in progress, right?) fics in the works beside this.

Love, Cher


	2. Evil Pink Fluffy Bunnies of Doom

Key:  
**_-0-0-0-0-0- _**Scene break in one fandom.  
**_8-7-6-6-6-5-4-3-2-1-_** Break between fandoms

Authored by: I bet you think I'm an idiot for saying that, right? **Fear of Apathy**. If you didn't see that, than, no offense, but you're an idiot.  
Betaed by: You're awesome, **Taylor-****leighyoung**

_**-Aboard the Black Pearl-  
-Chapter Two: Enter Harry-**_

It had only taken an hour to get Will's meager belongings together, even though he had enough money to buy himself and the crew of the Black Pearl a better wardrobe and still have plenty of currency to repair several of the most wrecked ships.

As now, Jack was leading Will down the beach to a secluded cove where he'd supposedly left the boat, but, knowing the man, he could have been completely wrong.

Will was proved wrong in his assumptions when he saw the not-so-new black sails and dark lacquered planks, free from holes once again.

He sighed happily as he walked up the plank that had been set up by a tall rock and stepped onto the slightly dirty boards that made up the deck of the ship.

It was good to be back home.

_**8-7-6-6-6-5-4-3-2-1-**_

Harry Potter was _not_ having a good day at all. If he stopped to think about it, it hadn't been a particularly enjoyable week. Or year. Or… well, he'd had a pretty _fan-fucking-tastic_ life to put it simply.

He had been having, contrary to the majority of his life, a decent morning.

This meant that he woke up on time, sat at his usual seat at the Gryffindor table, and ate all he could, a normal portion for once, despite the shrinkage his stomach had endured during the previous summer, even though the Dursleys had let him come and go as he pleased. The coffee on the table was hot for once, and the sugar didn't have bits of food in it so it was safe to put in his caffeine alarm clock, and this made him ecstatic because he'd had to forsake his coffee for the last week because of problems such as this.

This alone alerted him that there was going to be something life-changing going on during the next 24 hours, and probably not in a good way. More like in a '_Voldie has captured me and is torturing me in his evil lair of evilness and fluffy bunnies'_ way. Yeah. He'd been mortally afraid of fluffy bunnies ever since he'd been 'attacked' by one when he was five. In reality, Dudley had thrown it at him, but those big, red eyes still scared the shit out of him, even though the rest of the bunny was relatively cute.

After reliving this memory, he hoped to Salazar Slytherin that the Lord of Hyphenations didn't figure out his fear, even if it was a tad irrational. Seriously, the savior of the Wizarding World and one of the most powerful men regarding magical strength, politics, and money (though money really is politics) scared of pink fluffy bunnies? The press would have a field day, and half of the school would bring enlarged Easter animals to class to spite him.

However, a decent breakfast wasn't the only thing that was, at the least, semi-pleasant, and everything else made him fear the worst. Evil pink bunnies, tea, lemon drops, socks, the Headmaster, and Voldemort in one room.

The Daily Prophet hadn't included any of its normal slander of him and actually only covered the last Quidditch game.

Ron was late, meaning that his morning wouldn't be ruined by having eggs spat at his face, and Hermione was still in the library. Malfoy looked on the brink of death while the other half of his house - bar the younger years, as they wanted to keep their ears, hair, eyebrows, ears, and other appendages to themselves, thank you very much – sniggered evilly at his mussed hair and the dark-circles around his eyes.

Professor Dumbledore appeared his normal happy self but didn't see fit to give him another chat about how he'd lied, yada yada yada, nor did he seem about to burst out into song yet _again_ or make an annoyingly cheerful announcement to the school.

His CD player worked for once, even despite the highly concentrated magic, because he'd perfected the spell to make electronics work in Hogwarts last night, and he was free to happily bang his head to the rhythm of the loud music that was a wake up call. Harry really hoped that his friends didn't ask to listen; he took them more for rap/pop people and their eardrums would, undoubtedly, burst at the amount of bass most of his music put out. He'd become quite attached to the little electronic device and its companions – CDs – along with his MP3 player, which he hadn't been able to modify yet, during the summer, and had discovered that heavy metal was the best way to start a morning: loud.

Afraid that the Potions' classroom would be filled with fluffy bunnies, he rushed off to his first class, only to run into the wall to the right of the large double doors that led to the Entrance Hall from the Great Hall.

Professor Snape was not at all impressed when his least favorite student came limping into his classroom with a brick-shaped red mark imprinted on his forehead, nor was he excited that said student was technically on time. Actually, he was the first one in the class, which made him sneer hatefully.

Now, as we all know, neither held any fondness whatsoever for each other and thusly had no boundaries against ignoring, screaming at, cursing, and generally being disrespectful in the rudest ways to each other.

Snape was still extremely angry for the incident of the pensieve and said nothing, afraid that if he did open his mouth, someone would be sent to the infirmary.

Harry, on the other hand, just didn't want the morning to turn into a fluffy disaster and wisely kept his mouth shut.

He got out a sheaf of parchment and a quill to copy the instructions for the potion they would be making that day and the homework assigned regarding to it. Thankfully, the potion had nothing to do with farm animals, holidays, or the colors red and pink. Harry would have let out a sigh of relief had he not noticed that the professor was watching him with a hawk's eye.

It was, instead, a lineage brew mixed with another simple transportation and communication-within-dreams potion that would allow you to meet a magical ancestor of your choosing in a dream-like state temporarily. Together, this was a rather complicated potion.

Well, that was what should happen theoretically, but we all know that a class with both Harry Potter and Neville Longbottom in it could be catastrophic, no less if they were paired together, meaning that someone would end up being sent to the hospital wing regardless of whether or not Harry and the professor spoke to each other at all.

While the instructions said that sliproot was to be added directly after the starshine and then stirred evenly fifteen times counterclockwise then quickly seven times clockwise, Neville thought that it would come out the same if he were to stir the potion the required amount before adding the sliproot.

Harry had been reviewing the instructions at the time and when he looked back it appeared to be the correct color, so he smiled at Neville encouragingly. They had agreed that Harry should be the one to test it, as he'd never met his family before, and didn't know _where_ his family came from. He decided that, instead of going to see his parents or grandparents, he would see ancestors a few centuries back. (This decision was aided by the warning in bold letters not to visit a time near to where the user was, as they would, most likely, mess things up even though the meeting should appear as a dream to both ancestor and descendant.)

All he would have to do would be put a drop of his own blood in the finished potion, however nervous this made him, and state the full name of the relative he wished to visit. (The names and dates would be shown, though only people who'd lived in the last thousand years would be recorded.) The last part was relevant because he could get stuck because of the potion being confused if there was more than one with that name.

As he spread out another large, blank piece of parchment across the table, and pinned it down with various empty jars, their _esteemed_ professor barked out, "Time's up. If your potion is the wrong color, texture, smell, or just hasn't been completed yet, do nothing. If, however, any of you dunderheads managed to get it right, then put a drop of the testers' blood a vial before the potion.

"Since you've made it this far, I expect you to know how vital it is to follow directions exactly. Wait five minutes after this, then _slowly_ pour the potion onto the parchment." He took this time to look around. "What are you waiting for? GO!"

Harry reaffirmed his suspicions of this being a disaster after Snape's little hissy fit and snatched the vial away from Neville's trembling hands. Carefully, with the silver knife the instructions told him to use, he slit open the index finger of his left hand and dribbled a few drops of the crimson fluid into the vial before tapping his wand to the skin and muttering, "_cicatriz"_ to heal the minor cut.

He snatched the ladle from the table and slowly poured a small amount of the potion's contents into the vial and placed it into the rack of empty vials he'd purchased in hopes of not knocking them down anymore.

Terrifying. Everything was going scarily well.

He was almost tempted to jinx it by bringing out his CD player again and playing it just to pass the time, but vetoed that idea.

The small timer that sat on the professor's desk dinged, signaling the end of five minutes, and Harry held the vial hovered towards the center of the parchment before lowering it so it wouldn't splash. Tipping the vial onto the parchment, he watched amazed as the whole surface was covered with spidery lines and letters as his family tree was mapped out.

The closest name towards him said 'Harry James Haden Potter' and the Haden part confused him until he looked to the two names directly above him. Lilianna Isabella Haden and James Caden Potter. So he did have a reason to be scared after all. The coot had been lying to him again.

He passed it off though and promised to return to his genealogy again sometime soon. Towards the top, there was one name that startled him greatly.

Salazar Slytherin.

He swore eloquently in Parseltongue, something he'd managed to pick up during the last summer, and set to keeping his anger in check again.

Relatively surprised that he didn't have people directing shouts at him, he looked around the room, only to find every single eye on him and his parchment. To show them that there was nothing to see there, though it would probably upset them more, he hissed, "What?" snappishly before returning to the analysis of his potion's outcome.

Running his finger down through the years to the recent generations he was surprised to find that the ancestor came from both lines. Ew. It was a wonder that he'd been born normal. Though he doubted that either parent knew of their relation to the founder(s), he checked once again along the line that Slytherin was on and sighed when he saw all of them at least distantly. Thankfully, the Slytherin line was the only one that he was given from both sides of the family with so he was relatively safe.

Coming to the conclusion that he'd like to see the opinion of the world from the view of someone whose family and heritage wasn't solely light, or who didn't believe that it was, he continued down that branch of the family, coming to a name somewhere in the eighteenth century that sounded common enough.

Jack Sparrow.

The man didn't seem to be a direct ancestor, but more of a great uncle several times removed. That seemed fine with him.

Looking around the room one last time, he saw that the students who had made the potion correctly were now dozing on their desks, having already embarked on their historical journey.

With one last glance at the parchment, he spoke, clearly, "Jack Sparrow."

_**-0-0-0-0-0-**_

A tugging sensation spread through his whole body as he watched the random scenes pass him by on his journey. He was pretty sure that it wasn't supposed to go like this, though, and nearly screamed when he saw a big pink, fluffy bunny bearing down on a carrot viciously.

_**-8-7-6-6-6-5-4-3-2-1-**_

He'd been on this ship for a month now and had to admit that it was so much better than staying in Port Royal where he had nothing.

At the moment, he and Jack were sitting in the captain's quarters regaling in the long-time pirate's mischievous adventures, encounters, and all around fuck ups.

Will was still curled up laughing about the stories behind each slap he'd received while in Tortuga when Jack screamed.

Normally, he'd laugh and point at his friend, but this time, when the scream continued, he looked up.

What he saw made him scream too.

* * *

Yep, Cher again.

Review. Be happy.

Hearts.


	3. Explanations and SHUT UP!

Disclaimer: Not mine, got it? I do want it, but I don't have the imagination to think of a court case that could possibly get me what I want. So thusly, I own neither Harry Potter nor Pirates of the Caribbean. Actually, I'm not sure who owns Pirates of the Caribbean… but that's not the point. The point is that it's _not mine_.

Now, just a short little note: I hereby dedicate this chapter to the song _'Hooker with a Penis'_ and possibly _'Ænema'_ by Tool from the album Ænima. I hope you know that I blame my dad for getting addicted to Tool…

Chapter betaed once again the wonderful **Kittery.** I don't care how much you don't care if your name is in here, but I would feel guilty if I didn't. So ha!

But anyway, here's the story:

_**-Chapter 3: Explanations and SHUT UP!-**_

Harry sat up bolt right at the sound of the two screams reverberating around the room.

Carefully, he sent out his senses to see if the perpetrators were dangerous or would be a threat to him magically. Obviously, he doesn't know our beloved pirates at all. When he found that one possessed no magic whatsoever and the other a large amount that went left untouched, he relaxed. Sliding off of whatever he was sitting on, he stood up on the floor, slightly surprised to find himself swaying.

As he looked around the small room, he noticed that it was lavishly furnished in expensive things, but held no _real_ personal touches.

He growled, wishing that the surprised scream would stop, before realizing that he had no idea of where he was or who the other two in the cabin were. _Though_, he admitted sheepishly to himself, _one of them is obviously my distant relative: Jack Sparrow._

Sighing in mock-regret, he waved the wand that had slid out of his sleeve before casting a powerful 'silencio' around the room to _save his poor ears._

The smile finally wound its way across his face as he looked at the two men he now faced. In a disturbingly cheery voice, he chirped, "Which one of you is Jack Sparrow?"

Fear and amazement, along with suspicions, were suddenly alive in the faces of his audience and he could see a noticeable twitch in the slightly cleaner man's hand towards the sword attached to his belt.

Ooooookay… maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all.

Hurriedly, he froze their hands and legs with Pretiricus Totalus so they couldn't harm him before he set about explaining why, exactly, he was there in their _glorious_ presences at the moment.

"I'm Harry potter and I am a distant relative of yours, Mr. Sparrow."

Right about now, Harry was glad of the freezing charms as the man made a lunge for him. Belatedly, he realized that it was safe to take the other **silencing **charm off, too. Or, at least, he hoped so.

This action was immediately regretted, however, as the room echoed with shouts back at him again. Not his day, indeed.

"Do you want to talk normally or shall I silence you once again?" he drawled, trying to do his best impression of his rival's intimidation tact. Sadly, it didn't work all that well, especially since he was at least a foot shorter than the other two. His eyes, he reassured himself, were enough to scare most people, something that'd been increased with the removal of those horrid glasses.

His ego went up at least ten notches when both dark-haired men gulped, but nodded their consent anyway.

"Good. As I was saying, I'm your distant descendant."

"Distant?"

And there were those damned interruptions that made him brandish his wand threateningly. This had no affect on them what so ever, however, as they had no idea what the hell he was even doing with a pointy stick.

"Yes, as in two hundred years apart."

The man who seemed to be most willing to respond had an o-shaped mouth by now from surprise.

"What do you want with me boy?" the same slightly grubby man asked nervously, making Harry raise his eyebrow. It wasn't that he hadn't expected the man to be a perfect goody-two-shoes, but he hadn't anticipated for the man to act like a wanted man, either.

He quickly shoved these thoughts away, sensing that the upcoming confrontation would be more important than the casual conversation covering the numerous laws each had, undoubtedly, broken – all for a good cause, Harry assured himself as he smile back at some of his fonder memories.

"To understand the significance of that, I expect you'll need me to explain something. But first, do you believe in magic?"

Now, usually, Jack would laugh and calmly point out that there was no such thing in a placating manner, if not a tad secretively, but at the moment, he had a suspicion that the boy already knew his secret.

He'd ran away from his 'home' roughly twenty-five years ago, having been sick and tired of the expectations his _great_ father had thrust upon him.

Plus, the boy was wearing robes. That was a dead giveaway if there ever was one, and he'd literally dropped out of nowhere. If that wasn't a blinding sign of _something_ magical in the boy, then the fact that he had fell out of thin air _definitely_ was.

So his answer was a simple 'yes.'

Blinking in surprise, Harry looked at the man. He really hadn't expected him to be honest.

"then maybe this story won't sound so bizarre," he continued with a tired sigh. "I was in my Potions class…" and so he went, explaining the class to the two men and answering Jack's questions. He 'conveniently' ignored the shocked expression on the other face.

"Oh!" Jack exclaimed, having warmed up to the teen during story time, "this is my good friend Will Turner."

Harry turned to the man, who gave him a shaky smile, and introduced himself again, more formally this time. "Hello. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Turner. I am Harry Potter."

"I know who you are! I heard you the first time!" Will muttered indignantly.

Aghast at the rude manners displayed, even though he'd learned that the two men were both pirates, he turned to his ancestor. "This one's missing some manners," mocked the teen. Oh, yes, of course he was confused. He just didn't want to show that he was for fear of the others attacking him with his guard down. You just never know these days…

"I could say that you have too many manners, lad," Jack said with a mischievous smirk, purposefully interrupting before his friend and relative could begin to outright brawl in the captain's cabin. Had he been anywhere else, he would have egged them on, but his hat was on the line at the moment, and he really wasn't in the mood to go hat shopping. Again.

Will mumbled something into his hand, which he'd put up in an attempt to stifle his retort, that sounded not-so-vaguely like 'bloody pirate.' Harry had to turn his laugh into a cough quickly and couldn't help but notice the playful banter that went on between the two pirates. It reminded him of his very own Moony and Padfoot, actually…

**_-Flashback-_**

After fifth year, he and Remus had bonded and comforted each other during the time of mourning the loss of Sirius, though both mourned for different reasons.

**_-0-0-0-0-0-_**

Contrary to popular belief, Harry visited his godfather fairly often during the school year, through an unmonitored fireplace in the Room of Requirement. About the third or fourth time, he'd stumbled out of the fireplace and onto the thick carpet Sirius had insisted be replaced in case of difficult landings on Harry's part in front of the Evil Floo of Doom (he'd seen pink fluffy bunnies there once) and was met with the sight of his godfather and uncle wrapped in what some would call a 'passionate embrace' on the couch, whilst swapping spit.

He knew what he was preparing to do would most likely scare the shit out of one specific parental figure, and hid a devious smirk.

Backing up dramatically, he splayed his fingers across his eyes and cried, "Ow! My eyes! My poor, virginal eyes!"

If Sirius had known that he was joking, he would have snorted at anyone calling Harry virginal. However, he did not, in fact, know, and thusly refrained from doing so. Instead, he jumped off the couch in surprise and alarm.

Babbled apologies for him walking in on this met Harry's ears and this time he let the smirk escape the dirty confines of his mind.

Remus, however, laughed so hard he almost fell off the couch. With the amount of times he'd caught Harry snogging either a guy or a girl, he knew the teen was nowhere near virginal. Third year had been a year of surprise. Harry appeared to most people a shy and awkward teen, but he was powerful, sly, and, while Remus would never admit it to anyone including himself, incredibly striking for a young teenage boy. It was no wonder he could be found pinning someone against the wall, snogging the daylights out of some student at anytime of the night or twilight zone.

"Sirius. I am so disappointed in you! You didn't tell me!" Harry pouted out charmingly, while Remus just exasperatedly shook his head.

And that was how Harry'd come to be tackled and tickled and tickled until he could no longer gasp out death threats.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Vernon had been absolutely pissed off at the Order's warning. In his opinion, no freak should _ever_ speak to the perfectly normal people, much less in that manner!

After Harry'd been starved on end for four days, Vernon had, foolishly, forgotten to padlock his cage and window. He'd been in such a rage that all he could think of was getting the boy out of his sight. This was taken advantage of after seeing no signs of being fed anytime soon and Harry owled Remus in his shaky handwriting, which was made much more difficult in the fact that he was almost out of ink and the quills weren't exactly easy to write with.

Remus had been furious at the Dursleys, though restrained his anger for the sake of Harry.Nevertheless, he listened to Harry – his request not to tell Dumbledore and the reasons… Remus agreed wholeheartedly.

Residency at Remus's house was… comfortable.

He had lived there through the following two summers and most breaks. It wasn't that he didn't love the old castle, he just wanted to spend time with the man.

Around midnight a few days before his seventeenth birthday, there was a knocking at the door of 'Moony Cabin' (Harry added mockingly at this point 'where the stars will shine bright upon your future and Mars will disappear').

Sirius. Harry was ecstatic when Remus informed him that Sirius was real, due to several tests in the Animagus department and smell, along with the fact that Remus knew instinctively that this really was his mate because of… well, instinct.

**_-End Flashback-_**

Harry broke out of his musings because of a finger poking his forehead.

"Hey kid, you alright?"

"Yes," he replied with a rueful smile. From what he'd read of the potion, it was supposed to be like a dream, and this… well, besides the presence of another man, was nothing like a dream.

Soon, he caught the 'kid' and had thoughts along the same lines of Remus's had been when he'd barged in for the first time, but with more violence and dark-ish thoughts. "Sorry, Jack, I haven't been a kid for a long time."

Will interjected, "But you don't seem to look any older than 16!"

A deep, mirthless chuckle went around the room and it chilled Jack to know that his heir had enough bad memories to be able to produce that.

"Looks can be deceiving. Innocence can be lost. This is what war does to people."

Again, Will looked at the boy and saw the receding joy and pain in his eyes. Silence seemed to be the best option at this point, and he did not ask about the flashback.

"Where are we anyway?" the boy asked.

Jack's eyes opened in shock. His **descendant **didn't even know of his well-earned legacy! Mind, the legacy was made of infamy from raids and thievery, but that really wasn't the point right now.

"Why, my dear, **this is** the black Pearl! **The Black Pearl!** The most feared pirate ship in the Caribbean!" He almost cooed the last part and had to restrain the urge to pet the dark, planked walls.

Under Remus's influence, Harry had developed a taste for reading – though he hoped that Ron, and, upon further consternation, Hermione, found out – mainly for history and more advanced spell work in general. So, of course he recognized the name and he fought the impulse to shout girlishly 'Shut UP!' while jumping up and down. He doubted that would go over very well at all.

Instead, he asked, purposely putting only a _little_ curiosity in his voice, "Really?"

Jack laughed jovially and nodded, clapping his tanned on Will's shoulder. "And this here'd be my first mate!"

The wheels were turning in Harry's head as he tried to decrypt what exactly was going on between the two.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-**_

I hope I put a satisfactory amount of dialogue in here, as I had people complain about that for Twin Angels.

Notes: Well, this really isn't a note, just a general question.

Should I pair Harry up with someone? And if I do, who?

That's all I can think of right now, so… yeah.

Until next update and/or review (which, by the way, you should do),

Cher


	4. A Drunken Harry is an Ambitious Harry

**Disclaimer: **Alright, get it straight for once. However much my life's dream is to own Harry Potter and/or Pirates of the Caribbean and/or Underworld (which has nothing to do with this particular fiction but holds drool-worthy characters either way), I know that I could never do that because, a, my lawyer sucks, and b, I don't know what I would do with them.

As a side note, I have absolutely no clue as to how the pirates really talk nor do I have any idea whatsoever how a ship is worked, so please forgive me.

And I have issues with characters acting dumb. I don't know why, but I know that I can't bear the thought of Harry being oblivious. I think it's because I can't seem to include the obvious in explanations and stuff… so I can get to the generalizations faster than the average idiot. Thusly, Harry will probably be OOC in that way. Please forgive me. And I'm trying to work on that, I swear, but for now, please put up with me.

Oh, there is some **alcohol consumption** in this chapter, so just warning you. Hell, it's not even well written alcohol consumption.

I have to thank DeAtHsTeNsHi a lot for this chapter though. She helped me write the later half of it, and also read it over for me since I wanted to get it out immediately. Praise her!

And I also thank Rius for pointing out the plot hole; I've decided I love you. :)

_**-Aboard the Black Pearl-  
-Chapter 4: The Boredom Hits-**_

After nearly a week of living alternately in Jack and Will's quarters and sneaking around the ship at night to get a feel of it, he'd finally been kicked out to live on his own… in the large cabin just below deck that was the crew's living space.

Harry lazed around the crew's quarters ("Because we can't have them thinking you're special, now can we?"), thinking about his current predicament. I know what you're thinking: What'd the brat do this time? That's precisely what Harry himself would like to know.

It had been almost a full week since he'd come from the almost-perfect Potions class and he was starting to get overly-nervous. Wasn't he supposed to be back at least six days ago? He had read the instructions and information about the potion over at least five times! There had been nothing about the exact length of the 'encounter' but it was clear that the longest trip ever recorded was a few hours. Plus, it was supposed to be 'dream like' and, frankly, he couldn't see any fluffy clouds, erotic strippers, candy, or even Jack and Will getting together as was predictable any time soon. Which sucked. He could practically cut the sexual tension with a knife.

Not to mention that there wasn't a sane moment on the ship. He hadn't even been graced with a warning! Come sundown, the rum would be taken out… especially since it was the captain's orders that every crewmember on the ship sing his theme song at dinner in a mockery of a national anthem, since they apparently didn't need to follow a government, accompanied by a flask of rum. Luckily, Harry was able to avoid this by claiming that he was a guest, a minor, and could also hex the ass of one Jack Sparrow to hell. The later rang through the captain's mind the loudest. Well, at least, his bartering worked most of the time.

Most of the crew knew better than to drink more of the drink than necessary for the sake of the running order of the ship and Will always tried in vain to refrain from drinking the maximum… but Harry could practically see the efforts crumbling when Jack would pout at him. At times, it was all he could do to restrain himself from shoving the two in their quarters, warding the rooms, and not letting them out until either they killed each other – highly unlikely – or 'fessed up and shagged like rabbits. (Well. Not rabbits, because bunnies scared him, but let's just go with that.) But, if that were to happen, the ship could possibly crash or something because it had gone without command. Or something.

And to think, this was only after a week.

At the present though, he neither wanted to tear his hair out for frustration of the two nor sulk out of loss of the world he had left behind. At the present, he was bored out of his cute little skull. It was just one of those afternoons. Lazy and lethargic. Most normal people would enjoy the calm, but being a teenager, Harry didn't have the patience for that. Neither, it seemed, did the crew.

That was why he found them all sitting around the 'dinner table' gossiping and absently playing rounds of poker. What they had to gossip about and how they got their hands on that much gold, he had absolutely no idea, but he was looking for anything to appease his chronic boredom. In other words, he was desperate.

"-got to get them together. I swear it's gonna drive me insane!"

"Wind in the sails!"

"Ah, shut up ya worthless bird!

"Like I was saying, we've gotta get them to admit their 'feelings' and fuck alre-"

"Wind in the sails!"

"SHUT UP!"

Vaguely, he heard the impact of something on the floor. He assumed it was the bird because it was quiet.

"Maybe we should lock them in the captain's quarters."

Harry decided this was about the time that he stepped out of the shadows he had been using to listen in on the pirates' conversation without being spotted.

"I've thought about it, but I think they'd be too angry at us for locking them up in the first place to focus on each other."

He could see the majority of the table jump, and not just from the wave the ship had undoubtedly hit.

Mr. Gibbs was the first to speak to him after this, and asked dangerously, "_Who_ are you and _why_ are you on the Pearl?"

Apparently, our dear Harry didn't expect this kind of a welcome. Harry was, by no means, afraid of sword fights and the like; he just wasn't ready to expose his advantage yet. Thus, he stared at the point of the sword blankly before pretending to stutter (which he did well enough).

"Harry Potter," he introduced steadily enough, throwing in one of those charming what-the-fuck-are-you-doing-please-don't-hurt-me smiles that Jack was famous for. "Um, well, see, I'm uh…"

"He's my cousin twice removed on my mother's aunt's ex-husband's son's half-brother's side," Jack interjected helpfully as he stepped through the door. The man had this innate sense of when he was needed… but he ignored it most of the time.

Beside him, Will rolled his eyes and muttered mockingly, "Oh yeah, he doesn't get the gracious compliments on his voice and his functionality. I feel so special!"

Jack decided to ignore the comment and instead sent him a smirk.

"What is it that you gents are doing down here instead of WORKING up on deck?"

Most of the crew looked slightly guilty but Annamaria (1) only rolled her eyes. "Captain, you gave us the day off as soon as we finished swabbing the deck, _shining your steering wheel_, and whatever else you told them to do! We've got someone up on lookout duty as you ordered."

"Oh. Right then. Who's winning in the game, by the way?" Jack queried while motioning at the card game going on at the moment.

The crew was relieved that their captain showed no signs of being aware of the nature their previous conversation had been prior to their entrance.

And so the day continued on, until dinner a few hours later.

"But, Harry, you have to have some rum!"

"No. I _refuse_. There is no _way_ on the face of the _Earth and ocean_ that you're going to get me anywhere near that stuff."

"And what are ye gonna do, boy?" Gibbs spoke up, motioning to the sword on the captain's hip.

Swallowing his threat to the captain about fixing his hair to be just like Snape's because it'd be too difficult to mess with the memories of the whole crew, he growled. "Fine. But you'll be sorry."

That was why, a few hours later, Harry was telling all of his whims, dreams, and woes to the whole crew who watched on in morbid fascination. All of them were very confused and didn't know what the hell he was talking about ninety-nine percent of the time, but still looked worriedly. A boy that age really shouldn't have aspirations to take over the world _and_ still be 'innocent' and/or _virginal_ enough to be a total lightweight drinker. Though, a few months on the ship should fix that.

"I'mzgonna join Voldy" Harry spontaneously announced in a slur, standing up on the rickety table recklessly. "Jusssst to sssspite Du'bly-door, and I'd be Jack the Pumpkin KING!" here he threw up his arms in a big exaggerated motion and tipped over slightly before regaining his balance.

An angry Jack Sparrow decided that this just could not be and piped in: "But I"M Jack! Stop the identity theft...was 'nuff wi th'monkey..." He trailed off at the end though to glare at the crooked table in front of him with an adorable pout on his face.

Harry brandished his wand sloppily at Jack, laughing gaily as it emitted sparks. "Sssshut up, no you're not! I am! And… Voldy'd be Ssssandy Clawsss, and, and we'd be the sssstarssss for de Nigh'mare Before Chrissstmasssz and we'd ruin Chrisssstmassss for everyone!" Maniacally, Harry cackled as he glared around the room, accompanied by another motion, the bottle of rum moving around in his hand unsteadily and spraying rum every once in awhile. "And we'd haveded the most eeeevilesssst planssss, EVER!" he looked toward one of the crew with a pointed glare, but it only made him look cross-eyed and gave the crew member the urge to point in his face and laugh mockingly. Then he took another drink. "And we woulded be declared zhe Lord Chrisssstmassss'esssssesssz and Voldy would havessss a compet..t.." Harry stuttered, trying to find the right word. (2)

"Competion?" the youngest of the crew (besides Harry) suggested helpfully.

Harry took another swig of his drink after nodding compulsively and leaning over to pat the man on the head. "Yessssh! That be it! Voldy'd have a competioned, and he'd have a beard bedder dan Dumblessss…ssss..."

Somewhere in the middle of the declaration to 'ruin Chrisssstmassss for everyone', Will had put his head hopelessly in his hands.

Next to him, Jack was nodding at his descendant drunkenly.

Will groaned. It was going to be a looooong night.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-**_

Back at Hogwarts, Snape rolled his eyes and once again declined the offered sweet candy from Dumbledore.

"So Severus, how have you been?" A tea tray appeared before the Potions' Master could answer with a dour comment. "Tea?"

"Damnit Albus! It's been a week already!"

Albus just looked at him over his half moon spectacles. "Actually, my dear fellow it's been a week _and_ two days!" he declared joyfully.

Severus rubbed his temple and glared. "No, Headmaster, it's only been a _week_ since Harry Potter disappeared. What if the Dark Lord has him?" Severus asked angrily of the Headmaster who just frowned but continued to twinkle away.

"We don't know if Voldemort has him, or even if he's in this time era. You know the potion deals with time. Chances are he's a few hundred years behind in the timeline. So don't worry Severus, he'll be fine, he's a strong boy!"

"But you know as well as everyone else that if he disappears forever then we are _doomed_! He's our only chance against You-Know-Who!"

Without a word, the professor stalked out of the room, furious at how Dumbledore could just ignore the budding controversy that was Potter's disappearance.

_**-0-0-0-0-0-**_

"'eah, really miss m'father. Wish I could see 'im again," Will sadly slurred as he poured his woes out to Harry.

Drunk as they were, they didn't notice Jack glaring at Harry for snuggling up to Will so he could comfort him better. Of course, it was Jack's own fault he wasn't there since Harry had originally motioned for him to do so, but he was also afraid of the effects the close proximity would have on his alcohol laden brain. So often was he this pissed (and often more so) that he became aware of these things through the alcohol.

"'m sssso ssssorry Willy. But 'm ssssure there'ssss ssssome'in' I can do."

Unknown to them, Jack growled in jealousy at the possible connotations of that. Was Harry propositioning _his_ Will? His eyes narrowed.

Randomly, Harry shot up out of his seat, shouted 'Eureka!' and raised his wand. "Accio 'Bootstrap' Bill Turner!" Bones began to rush in through the door from above deck and Harry frowned before whispering a "reparocorpus maximus." He then slumped back in his seat as the alcohol was incinerated by the magic rushing through his veins. The actions he had performed then rushed back to him, making him realize that he would have to cast an incredibly powerful memory charm on the whole crew when it came morning. He sighed.

The crew stood and/or sat stupefied at the act. _'What the hell is going on?' _was the thought that rushed through all of their heads.

Jack saw the disbelief and joy rush across Will's features and was filled with the greatest joy himself, both for regaining a lost comrade and for Will being happy. But mostly because Will was happy. Then he realized that without Harry, Will wouldn't exactly _be_ happy for this reason. He also realized that it was simply his duty to thank him properly.

He walked over to Harry, intending to give him a hug and maybe a goofy kiss on the cheek. All went along with 'plan' until Harry turned his head. They both froze in shock at the unexpected contact until Will, coming to his senses, ripped Harry away from Jack and took his place. Everyone in the room was shocked at his bold move since he was normally shy, if not a bit impulsive. Even Jack was surprised. But soon enough the rest of the crew burst out into applause and Jack had his arms wrapped around Will's shoulders.

The less drunk ones hoped that neither Jack nor Will did something stupid to break the other's heart.

Bootstrap Bill just watched everything in confusion. Who were these people? Why was he here? The last thing he remembered was being blown apart painlessly since he was cursed… but now he felt the ache in his bones, and the shiver at being naked and wet.

Harry looked over to see how the older Turner was only to see him shivering. Figuring that he could still just 'obliviate' this memory from everyone's mind, he conjured a thick wool blanket and hurriedly moved to wrap it around Will Sr.

"Are you all right, sir?" Harry asked quietly and politely so as not to startle the man. After all, it wouldn't do to have the man to fee threatened by _everyone_ here, even though he was close to them before his 'death'.

"Who are you? Where _am_ I?" he asked, panicked.

"I'm Harry Potter and you'd be on the Black Pearl."

The man looked around, trying to affirm that this was indeed his old haunt. Apparently, he saw that it was, and asked "Who is everyone else?"

_God_, he thought, _I__'m even more brash and impulsive than normal when I'm drunk! How am I supposed to explain this to him? And to everyone else? Oh yeah, the famous Bootstrap Bill Turner, back from the dead and now a proud part of the crew! _

"What have I gotten myself into?" he mumbled under his breath, making Bill look at him oddly.

He groaned and rubbed his temples.

"The world is doomed if I'm the only thing standing between survival and utter chaos…"

_**-0-0-0-0-0-**_

1 – Even though I feel terrible about it, I'm not sure how her name is spelled and I'm too lazy to put the movie in and look at the captions.

2 – Stolen (with permission, so borrowed really) from Chapter 5 of Save Me, by Ariande.

Sorry if Harry's drunken-ness was totally off, but I have no clue how to write it. (The part up there was originally written by my good friend DeAtHsTeNsHi and modified by me.) And I made Harry have a Parseltongue lisp when drunk. Thought it'd be a funny quirk.

Who should I pair Harry up with? I want this to be one of the lesser/totally new pairings, so let's make this a poll:

Charlie Weasley  
Bill Weasley  
Fred or George Weasley (or both)  
Bootstrap Bill (probably not, but it's worth a try, yeah?)  
Seamus Finnigan (he's a fun drunk, yeah?)

I just wanted to get the chapter up before PotC2 came out Friday.

Replies to anonymous reviews in my livejournal onlygray, which can be found as my homepage, along with other various ramblings that have absolutely nothing to do with fanfiction most of the time.

Love a pessimist, yeah?

-Cher aka Fear of Apathy


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